ceremony

All Photo Credits This Page | Madalyn Muncy

Okay, y’all, “It’s a new day in the werkroom, and I’m feeling very gooood…and sexyyy and really grateful to be here.”

First, we want to remind you that this is a no-phone ceremony, no cell phones allowed. I’m an actor, so in the tradition of the theater, we’re going to take a moment to ask everyone to take out your phones. Turn them off, not just on silent, off. And then put them away. I’m also a teacher. So, I’ll wait. As Katya says in RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars - Season 2, “I have to say, there is a part of me that is very intrigued and attracted and seduced by this new power.”

Those of you who were there when Akua and David got married may recognize this volume of the Encyclopedia Britannica, which I use as a paper holder for these august affairs. This is the volume with the word “marriage.” After today, I will have officiated all of my siblings’ weddings. This makes me the luckiest sister in the world. I wanted to commemorate that honor, and this moment, in some meaningful way.

So I Googled “luckiest sister in the world” to see what The Internet had to offer. It turns out, what The Internet has to offer is a t-shirt that says, “World’s Luckiest Sister.” That one wasn’t going to arrive in time for this afternoon’s ceremony, though; “estimated arrival by 8:00pm Friday” seemed like too much of a gamble. So I settled on one of the suggested alternatives, bought it, had it shipped to the house in Plymouth, and carried it with me all day today, just to be able to make this joke in this moment. You’re welcome.

I was delighted to learn, at a certain point in our lives, how many things my little brother Kuma and I had in common. One of those was that, after college, each of us became something of a hippie. I recently asked Brittany if she would describe herself in the same way, and she said, “Not at all. Why?” and then, with two question marks and a bit of a note of terror in the text, “Wait, would you describe me like that??”

I’ll leave it to you all to determine whether that particular shoe fits, after I tell you how we will be opening this ceremony.

Kuma…and Brittany…would like us to begin by closing our eyes. Now, what do you think?

Close your eyes, and take a slow, deep breath in through your nose, if your sinuses allow. Just as you get to the comfortable edge of that breath, exhale. On the exhale, I want you to envision your favorite body of water, and imagine it washing away your day-to-day. Maybe you can see Lake Michigan out in Holland or at the lighthouse on Benton Harbor pier. Maybe you can see Lake Erie at Luna Pier or just before you pull up to Cedar Point. Maybe, in your mind’s eye, you are at the waterfalls at Hocking Hills or on a boat tour of Lake Superior at Pictured Rocks up in Marquette. Maybe you’re on a whale tour in Hawai`i or kayaking down the Huron River. Or maybe you are in Connecticut, or as Brittany and Kuma said when I asked them about their favorite places on the water, “Ooh, Connecticut!” which is the most excited that I have ever heard anyone be about that state.

Take another slow, deep breath in. Take in the scent of the droplets in the air, salt or fresh, the feel of them on your skin. Then on the exhale, let your eyes open, and just be here, in this space, together.

When Kuma and Brittany envisioned their wedding, they knew they wanted it to be a pause, a clearing…an escape from the everyday to soak in, enjoy, and appreciate the moment. They wanted us to be here, on the water, for this in-the-city getaway, to share the kind of night out that they’ve enjoyed in Detroit many times before. They wanted to join their families, to bring us to the same place, to get to know each other and celebrate that Brittany and Kuma have built a life together and that their families have always been a part of that life.

The 15 of us are here for a reason. Brittany and Kuma were very intentional about whom they brought together tonight, because they wanted to do this with the people who are most important to them. Kuma also said, “The other reason is because food’s expensive,” and, Brittany said, I quote, “I don’t like that many people anyway.”

That’s it. That’s the whole ceremony. That is as accurate and comprehensive a representation of each of them as you will ever need.

Actually, no…there’s more.

Brittany was the first kid in our family who I ever witnessed cussing with one of my parents in the room. I remember the moment it happened, over dinner in the dining room at the house in Plymouth. Actually, I don’t remember the moment so much as the feeling. I held my breath and closed my eyes, fully expecting – in my middle child way – that no matter who did the cussing, I would somehow get in trouble for it. When I opened my eyes, Dad was chuckling. The world did not end on that day, as I had always feared it would. Instead, we have been cussing over broasted chicken from Chicken Shack in that very dining room ever since.

I love seeing our family through Brittany’s eyes. In the past year of weekly Zoom calls, a tradition that Dad initiated four years ago, Brittany has been number one in attendance, even more than Kuma. In those conversations where she and I get time together, she’s remarked on how she finds the Ofori-Mensas to be curious and kind. I had never thought before about how those were qualities that we all shared, that our mom always modeled giving to other people, that our dad always modeled asking thoughtful questions. Brittany has also noticed something special about her family when Kuma is around. At a recent birthday dinner, everyone lit up when Kuma…finally…arrived. Brittany’s mom once said, “If you guys ever break up, I’m sorry to say, I’m still going to talk to Kuma.” In Kuma and Brittany’s nine years together, each has opened up pathways not just to be closer to the other’s family but also to be closer to their own.

When I asked them about how those nine years began, they told me the story of the following meet cute: Brittany was working at Standard Printing in Ypsilanti. Kuma was living in Ypsilanti and brewing at Arbor Brewing Company. On the morning of December 14, 2014, he went into Standard Printing to pick up labels for hand-bottled beer, groggy at 8:00am and undesiring, at that point in his life, of engaging in casual conversation with strangers. As soon as he arrived, the woman at the counter said to him, “Arbor Brewing Company, right? I remember you from last time,” and in that moment, flattered to be memorable, he woke up and looked up…and noticed that the woman at the counter was cute. She was really cute.

Another way that Kuma and I are alike is that we set up internal challenges and projects for ourselves. Mine, right now, is to watch through the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe – movies and television shows – in chronological narrative order. This project began three years ago and will continue, approximately, infinitely, as they keep putting out new content at a faster rate than I could possibly consume it. Kuma’s project, in 2014, was to challenge himself to get out of his head and ask people out. So, he started by asking for the name of the cute…really cute…woman at the counter. She said, “I’m Brittany.” He said, “Hey, I’m Kuma!” and then he worked up the courage, opened his mouth, and followed up with, “Okay, byeeee!”

But Kuma’s project didn’t take three years. He knew then a bit of wisdom that someone reminded me of just recently: the first thing you say doesn’t have to be the end of the conversation. He thought of Brittany all the way from Ypsi to Ann Arbor, and before he arrived at work, he called Standard Printing…and lied to get her on the phone. “I have a question for Brittany about the order that I just picked up,” he told her co-workers, and when they passed the message on to her, she freaked out, sure that she had messed something up. Instead, Kuma said, “I don’t usually do this, but would you want to go out with me sometime? I think you’re really cute, and it’d just be nice to get to know you a bit better.” Brittany said, “Yeah, sure!” and Kuma realized in that moment…that he had not prepared for that to go well, in any way, shape, or form. He was driving. He had no way to write down her number. So he gave her his, and two days later, they went on their first date.

Kuma says, about that first date, “I think, more than anything, I remember a really cute smile and a playful energy. I was like, this is someone who seems like I could have fun with. … I felt very natural around her, like I could just be myself with all the awkwardness and dorkiness and don’t-know-what-I’m-doingness.” Brittany remembers feeling very calm and very present. They spent the second half of their date at Corner Brewing Company, where Kuma knew a lot of people from hosting trivia there. Rather than be annoyed that he basically ignored her to talk with his friends, Brittany thought, “This person is very deeply loved by the people around him.” Kuma was engaged, asking her and others thoughtful questions. Brittany says, “I just remember thinking that he was a very kind and thoughtful person. I hadn’t experienced that with other guys I’ve dated.”

Instead, Brittany related to me another experience she had with someone she was dating around the same time. She traveled to a conference; Kuma dropped her off at the airport, and this other dude came to pick her up on the way home. Other dude arrived visibly frustrated, because he’d had trouble figuring out where to pick her up. He was so angry with her that he was literally red in the face, and Brittany remembers thinking, “Kuma would never.” This is not only because it is impossible for Kuma’s face to turn red. It is also because, as Brittany says about Kuma, “There’s a genuine desire to always be the best version of himself with me.” Kuma says, of Brittany, “Her presence was very calming for me. It was…grounding.” It was not too long after this that they both realized that they wanted to be together. Kuma realized, “Whether I felt ready for it or not, this was a once-in-a-lifetime relationship. Where else in my life am I going to find this? She’s so much of what I wanted in a partner, someone I can grow with, someone who cares enough to allow me to be vulnerable, to be imperfect. I felt like I could be myself.” And Brittany understood, “I just want to be with him. I can’t imagine not being with him.”

Each time that I write a wedding ceremony, I take the opportunity to meditate on the nature of love. With Akua and David, I understood what love is. Love, I came to believe, is a demonstrated commitment to easing each other’s way. With Panin and Steve, observed what love does. Love opens you up to all the parts of yourself. With Kuma and Brittany, I am learning what love makes you feel. When I talked to them about the nature of their love, both Brittany and Kuma used the word “safe.” Brittany said, “I feel good; we’re having fun. I feel safe, like you’re listening to me and you have my best interest at heart.” Kuma said, “When the instinct might be to protect yourself, instead we protect each other, and that makes me feel…safe.” Being with each other, Kuma and Brittany feel safe in this world, in this life, in this family that they have created, and will keep creating, together. And being in Brittany and Kuma’s presence, being part of their family, being a beneficiary of their genuine interest in who I am makes me feel safer to be me; to share who I am; to cuss at the dinner table; to tell the stories of my life and have them received with thoughtfulness, humor, and care.

Nine years in, Brittany says, “Kuma and I are not the same people we were when we started dating. My hope is that we continue to provide each other with the space to grow. I want that to continue with us, all while having a good time together.” The way they love each other carries forward some of the same spirit of their first date. Brittany says, of Kuma, “I love his laugh. … We have this desire just to have fun with each other.” But what they love about each other has also changed and grown. Kuma now says, of Brittany, “I love how focused she is and can be when she is aiming for something.” Both of them have changed, too. Brittany says, “I’m much calmer with Kuma. He has helped me understand what’s actually important. I’ve become a much calmer version of myself, without sacrificing the things I want to do,” and Kuma says, “I feel so fortunate to have found someone I can build with. … She brings a lot of joy into my life. She makes life fun…and she’s a total babe.”

Now, Brittany and Kuma want to share with each other, and with all of us, the commitments they have for how to continue moving through this life of theirs together. We’ll hear first from Brittany and then from Kuma. We’ll invite Brittany’s mom and Kuma’s dad up to share the rings. At the end of each of your vows, please put the ring on your partner’s finger.

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VOWS & RINGS

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By the power vested in me by the church at my home address, I now pronounce you, and all of us…family. I’d invite us all to kiss each other, but I still don’t know some of y’all like that. So, how ‘bout, Brittany and Kuma, you show us how it’s done.

And now, I quote Katya again in saying, “Party.”